Nurtsignur is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, unsympathetic aardvark.

Nurtsignur created the Virgo Supercluster eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtsignur, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Nurtsignur, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Nurtsignur's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Nurtsignur's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Nurtsignur.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never gather six turtles in one place.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Never sing in the presence of elders.