Hatwattettishav is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, tiresome guinea pig.

Hatwattettishav created the world two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hatwattettishav, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Hatwattettishav, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Hatwattettishav's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Hatwattettishav's Holy Commandments

1. Always face the west before speaking sacred words.

2. Shun those given to sloth.

3. Erect a giant iron sculpture of Hatwattettishav in the centre of the settlement.

4. Do not kill moths.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.