Godtailfenrill Flowsog is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, compassionate tortoise.

Godtailfenrill Flowsog created Europe eight million years ago.

If you believe in Godtailfenrill Flowsog, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Godtailfenrill Flowsog, she will turn you into a slug.

Godtailfenrill Flowsog's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Godtailfenrill Flowsog's Holy Commandments

1. Always keep your back turned to the west at sunset.

2. Do not name children after capybaras.

3. Never wear purple rings.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Worship no other gods but Godtailfenrill Flowsog.