Mittarppark is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, sage pig.

Mittarppark created Africa eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Mittarppark, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Mittarppark, it will remove you from existence.

Mittarppark's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Mittarppark's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Mittarppark must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Always cleanse ash with water.

4. Never approach crossroads carrying stone.

5. Do not prepare tomatoes while filled with fear.