Jingunstaf is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, smart manatee.

Jingunstaf created a photon five billion years ago.

If you believe in Jingunstaf, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Jingunstaf, it will torture you forever.

Jingunstaf's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Jingunstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

2. Do not study evolution by means of natural selection on holy days.

3. Never stain your head with indigo.

4. Never talk about thermodynamics.

5. Never eat lemons on holy days.