Lintarpfid is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, bad-tempered cow.

Lintarpfid created the universe eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Lintarpfid, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Lintarpfid, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Lintarpfid's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Lintarpfid's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about deoxyribonucleic acid.

2. You must pray to Lintarpfid three times a day.

3. Always look after injured doves.

4. Hide if seven monkeys approach from the north.

5. Never remain bowed at midnight.