Vonkraptomdab is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, tiresome snake.

Vonkraptomdab created the world five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkraptomdab, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Vonkraptomdab, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Vonkraptomdab's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Vonkraptomdab's Holy Commandments

1. Learn four new languages a year.

2. Never gather seven eagles in one place.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Never talk about manatees.

5. Never write about gravity.