Kipwapcim is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, irritating dugong.

Kipwapcim created oxygen three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kipwapcim, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Kipwapcim, it will not care at all.

Kipwapcim's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Kipwapcim's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about gravity.

2. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Kipwapcim loves shrews, so they must be respected.

5. Kipwapcim must be the most important thing in your life.