Satcemmot Busmitnuljig is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, merciful spider.

Satcemmot Busmitnuljig created tapeworms five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Satcemmot Busmitnuljig, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Satcemmot Busmitnuljig, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Satcemmot Busmitnuljig's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Satcemmot Busmitnuljig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Do not wear corsets marked with gray.

5. Always count to five before sleeping.