Betmilkan is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, irritating dove.

Betmilkan created the world four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Betmilkan, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Betmilkan, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Betmilkan's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Betmilkan's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Erect a giant magenta sculpture of Betmilkan in the centre of the settlement.

3. Do not utter prayers while touching silicon.

4. Always store lentils above ground.

5. Never adorn your hands with turquoise markings.