Zagjarndamontgut is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, cheerful gorilla.

Zagjarndamontgut created matter six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zagjarndamontgut, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Zagjarndamontgut, it will boil you in a big pot.

Zagjarndamontgut's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Zagjarndamontgut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt swans.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never wear gray stockings on sacred days.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Never tolerate laughter in holy places.