Funhogfotsin is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, conceited aardvark.

Funhogfotsin created the cosmos eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Funhogfotsin, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Funhogfotsin, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Funhogfotsin's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Funhogfotsin's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate nematodes.

2. Erect three lead sculptures of Funhogfotsin on top of important buildings.

3. Never think about dark energy near whales while wearing fawn coats and balancing eight copper spheres on your feet.

4. Do not fashion sacred items from ash.

5. Never allow gulls to witness sacred rites.