Vonkrengof is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, unselfish gerbil.

Vonkrengof created time and space eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkrengof, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Vonkrengof, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Vonkrengof's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Vonkrengof's Holy Commandments

1. Never remain standing at midday.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not run in public.

4. Vonkrengof must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never sprint in summer.