Orttinrow is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, all-knowing newt.

Orttinrow created a top quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Orttinrow, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Orttinrow, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Orttinrow's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Orttinrow's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry tortoises.

2. Never look at black holes.

3. Never mention hamsters.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never speak of fate in the presence of children.