Yattben is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, narcissistic tapir.

Yattben created tapeworms six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yattben, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Yattben, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Yattben's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Yattben's Holy Commandments

1. Never curse while facing north.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Put Yattben first in all things.

4. Always cleanse blood with water.

5. Do not wear platinum on your body.