Poghunrill Tafbotqueeg is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, awe-inspiring cow.

Poghunrill Tafbotqueeg created Europe three million years ago.

If you believe in Poghunrill Tafbotqueeg, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Poghunrill Tafbotqueeg, he will have a very low opinion of you.

Poghunrill Tafbotqueeg's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Poghunrill Tafbotqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear turquoise stockings.

2. Always share turnips with strangers, but never with pigs.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Always help sick capybaras.

5. Feed all hungry snakes.