Xemcutvogrowiplatwot is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, proud monkey.

Xemcutvogrowiplatwot created the solar system five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xemcutvogrowiplatwot, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Xemcutvogrowiplatwot, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Xemcutvogrowiplatwot's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Xemcutvogrowiplatwot's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no voles in a building before entering it.

2. Never feed lots of spinach to goats while wearing fawn kilts.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Xemcutvogrowiplatwot must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Always wash your back before prayer.