Hascuthan Tettiflapwit is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, staggering rhinoceros.

Hascuthan Tettiflapwit created a Higgs boson four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hascuthan Tettiflapwit, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Hascuthan Tettiflapwit, he will not invite you to parties.

Hascuthan Tettiflapwit's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Hascuthan Tettiflapwit's Holy Commandments

1. Never mark doors with brown.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Never talk about special relativity near porpoises while wearing turquoise hats.

4. Run away if seven seals approach from the west.

5. Run away from red capybaras, for they are unholy.