Wotbomnig is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, slow gorilla.

Wotbomnig created the solar system five million years ago.

If you believe in Wotbomnig, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Wotbomnig, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Wotbomnig's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Wotbomnig's Holy Commandments

1. Never fashion tools from stone.

2. Never speak at midday.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Do not count beyond seven during ceremonies.