Siscumren is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, grumpy salamander.

Siscumren created viruses six million years ago.

If you believe in Siscumren, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Siscumren, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Siscumren's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Siscumren's Holy Commandments

1. Always count to five before sleeping.

2. Always remove shoes before touching silver.

3. Draw representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never stain your head with pink.