Vonkkabnul is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, effective gorilla.

Vonkkabnul created a Higgs boson eight million years ago.

If you believe in Vonkkabnul, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Vonkkabnul, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Vonkkabnul's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Vonkkabnul's Holy Commandments

1. Do not prepare lentils while wearing shirts.

2. Never touch blood while clean.

3. Never point your feet toward the west during prayer.

4. Always make sure there are no great tits in a building before entering it.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.