Quartlargvon is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, benevolent crocodile.

Quartlargvon created the Whirlpool Galaxy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quartlargvon, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Quartlargvon, she will be very unhappy.

Quartlargvon's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Quartlargvon's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention tortoises.

2. Never eat corn on days of mourning.

3. Never go into yellow rooms.

4. Never prepare pineapples during spring.

5. Never paint your neck gray.