Likzagxuck is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, resourceful guinea pig.

Likzagxuck created the universe six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Likzagxuck, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Likzagxuck, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Likzagxuck's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Likzagxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from magenta whales, for they are unholy.

2. Always act with obedience when addressing priests.

3. Never gather eight moths near bridges.

4. Never stain your chest with indigo.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.