Lakweenul is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, cheerful coyote.

Lakweenul created humankind nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lakweenul, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Lakweenul, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Lakweenul's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Lakweenul's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate porpoises.

2. Always maintain patience during days of mourning.

3. Do not speak sacred words in summer.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. You must love Lakweenul.