Figsak Bitsomnelkap is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, almighty pig.

Figsak Bitsomnelkap created a Higgs boson four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Figsak Bitsomnelkap, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Figsak Bitsomnelkap, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Figsak Bitsomnelkap's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Figsak Bitsomnelkap's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Do not count beyond eight during ceremonies.

3. Never mix peas with ash.

4. Never think about fluid mechanics near monkeys while wearing white hats and balancing seven lead spheres on your face.

5. Do not resist fate.