Hakrilveen is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, dishonourable camel.

Hakrilveen created a quark five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hakrilveen, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hakrilveen, she will turn you into a puffin.

Hakrilveen's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Hakrilveen's Holy Commandments

1. Never sprint near birds.

2. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Never touch ash while clean.

5. Do not step barefoot upon mauve earth.