Vabquatspaghon is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, able alligator.

Vabquatspaghon created the universe four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vabquatspaghon, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Vabquatspaghon, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Vabquatspaghon's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Vabquatspaghon's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about spacetime.

2. Never gather three aardvarks in one place.

3. Do not gather at towers at dusk.

4. Always face the south before speaking sacred words.

5. Never write about amino acids.