Gesspangrullxentim is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, uncaring elephant.

Gesspangrullxentim created time and space eight million years ago.

If you believe in Gesspangrullxentim, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gesspangrullxentim, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Gesspangrullxentim's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Gesspangrullxentim's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Do not resist fate.

3. Always make sure there are no squirrels in a building before entering it.

4. Do not hop in public.

5. Do not run at rivers.