Zakquartquat is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, pitiless sheep.

Zakquartquat created life seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zakquartquat, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Zakquartquat, she will turn you into a hamster.

Zakquartquat's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Zakquartquat's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never eat oranges.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Always face the south before speaking sacred words.

5. Never speak aloud of secrets.