Cataflik is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, almighty weasel.

Cataflik created the planet Venus seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cataflik, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Cataflik, he will curse you with boils.

Cataflik's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Cataflik's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in magenta.

3. Do not prepare aubergines while filled with fear.

4. Never mix parsnips with oil.

5. Learn seven new languages a year.