Lapdotbod is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, proud fly.

Lapdotbod created the Milkyway five billion years ago.

If you believe in Lapdotbod, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Lapdotbod, she will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Lapdotbod's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Lapdotbod's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Lapdotbod in the centre of the settlement.

2. Never think ill of sick voles.

3. Always cleanse your hands after touching aluminium.

4. Lapdotbod loves cats, so they must be honoured.

5. Never bounce in spring.