Kondimpag is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, sapient slug.

Kondimpag created the Small Magellanic Cloud two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kondimpag, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Kondimpag, it will turn you into a goat.

Kondimpag's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Kondimpag's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Never think about quantum field theory near ducks while wearing yellow hats and balancing four lead spheres on your feet.

3. Always count to six before sleeping.

4. Do not shave your head.

5. Do not chop down trees.