Barnabbiss is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, slow crab.

Barnabbiss created the Milkyway nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Barnabbiss, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Barnabbiss, she will make you grow a tail.

Barnabbiss' most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Barnabbiss' Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Barnabbiss.

2. Never leap near great tits.

3. Barnabbiss must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Do not hurt turtles.