Tarcarwap is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, passionate crocodile.

Tarcarwap created the planet Mars seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarcarwap, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Tarcarwap, she will ignore you.

Tarcarwap's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Tarcarwap's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about enzymes.

2. Never stain your feet with green.

3. Always make sure there are no pigs in a building before entering it.

4. Do not resist fate.

5. Never chant while facing east.