Hakfidsaw is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, irritating cobra.

Hakfidsaw created the planet Saturn eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hakfidsaw, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Hakfidsaw, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Hakfidsaw's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Hakfidsaw's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about gravity near tapirs while wearing fawn tights.

2. Do not eat grapes.

3. Never write about archaea.

4. Hakfidsaw must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Do not count beyond five during ceremonies.