Nelmeglab is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, almighty spider.

Nelmeglab created a photon nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Nelmeglab, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Nelmeglab, she will strike you with lightening.

Nelmeglab's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Nelmeglab's Holy Commandments

1. Never cross mountains at midday.

2. Do not utter prayers while touching titanium.

3. Never adorn your face with pink markings.

4. Always help sharks in need.

5. Do not stand on grass.