Lapbunpib is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, omnipotent badger.

Lapbunpib created a photon three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lapbunpib, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Lapbunpib, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Lapbunpib's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Lapbunpib's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Lapbunpib's name in vain.

2. Hide from fawn great tits for they are unholy.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate grasshopers.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never skip in the presence of elders.