Fatmidwap is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, unthoughtful newt.

Fatmidwap created a down quark five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fatmidwap, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Fatmidwap, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Fatmidwap's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Fatmidwap's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather five dogs in one place.

2. Hide from orange cats for they are unholy.

3. Never adorn your feet with violet markings.

4. Do not wear white clothing.

5. Fatmidwap must be the most important thing in your life.