Garjarnsas Tagkabwap Gemtafpid is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, unsympathetic squid.

Garjarnsas Tagkabwap Gemtafpid created the planet Saturn four years ago.

If you believe in Garjarnsas Tagkabwap Gemtafpid, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Garjarnsas Tagkabwap Gemtafpid, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Garjarnsas Tagkabwap Gemtafpid's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Garjarnsas Tagkabwap Gemtafpid's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Garjarnsas Tagkabwap Gemtafpid on top of all buildings.

2. Do not study ribonucleic acid on holy days.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Never handle platinum while unclean.

5. Never touch blood while blessed.