Bopteenmum is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, selfish owl.

Bopteenmum created the planet Venus six billion years ago.

If you believe in Bopteenmum, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Bopteenmum, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Bopteenmum's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Bopteenmum's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never write about ribonucleic acid.

3. Do not drink water in white rooms.

4. Never jump near rats.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.