Gidtafquam is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, fast seal.

Gidtafquam created the universe two million years ago.

If you believe in Gidtafquam, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gidtafquam, she will turn you into a puffin.

Gidtafquam's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Gidtafquam's Holy Commandments

1. Never record names.

2. Never talk about quantum field theory.

3. Never tolerate laughter in holy places.

4. Do not count beyond four during ceremonies.

5. Never sprint in summer.