Zimgatjap is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, two-faced gorilla.

Zimgatjap created gold nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zimgatjap, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Zimgatjap, she will throw large rocks at you.

Zimgatjap's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Zimgatjap's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat cats with great respect.

2. Pray towards the east.

3. Do not speak of spacetime near sacred fires.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Zimgatjap.

5. Always stare at clouds.