Tonkwatbeg Fennurttiffen is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, annoying wren.

Tonkwatbeg Fennurttiffen created a quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkwatbeg Fennurttiffen, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Tonkwatbeg Fennurttiffen, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Tonkwatbeg Fennurttiffen's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Tonkwatbeg Fennurttiffen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not utter prayers while touching lead.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Do not wear blue clothing.

4. Pray towards the south.

5. Never gather six seals in one place.