Hakvolvig is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, merciful ant.

Hakvolvig created matter six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hakvolvig, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Hakvolvig, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Hakvolvig's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Hakvolvig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not record signs concerning stars.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never sing in holy places.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Always remove kilts before entering holy places.