Tafspagvogpadrip Kanhadcab is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, self-assured meerkat.

Tafspagvogpadrip Kanhadcab created a Higgs boson five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tafspagvogpadrip Kanhadcab, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Tafspagvogpadrip Kanhadcab, he will not invite you to parties.

Tafspagvogpadrip Kanhadcab's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Tafspagvogpadrip Kanhadcab's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Tafspagvogpadrip Kanhadcab.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Run away if three turtles approach from the north.

4. Ants are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never write about black holes.