Artcem is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, unthinking beaver.

Artcem created dark matter two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Artcem, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Artcem, he will turn you into a slug.

Artcem's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Artcem's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Do not place beans upon stone.

3. Do not take Artcem's name in vain.

4. Always count to four before sleeping.

5. Never mark doors with purple.