Hoglarpxuckpon is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, all-powerful squid.

Hoglarpxuckpon created life five million years ago.

If you believe in Hoglarpxuckpon, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Hoglarpxuckpon, it will turn you into a duck.

Hoglarpxuckpon's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Hoglarpxuckpon's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum mechanics near badgers while wearing black corsets and balancing nine gold spheres on your arms.

2. Erect five carbon sculptures of Hoglarpxuckpon on top of important buildings.

3. Always cleanse your hands after touching tin.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Do not consume corn at dawn.