Hapyattgum is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, smart alligator.

Hapyattgum created silver four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapyattgum, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Hapyattgum, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Hapyattgum's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Hapyattgum's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear boots.

2. Run away if four sharks approach from the south.

3. Never look at planets.

4. Do not resist fate.

5. Never wear white tights.