Somartwap is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, dishonourable troll.

Somartwap created Africa eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Somartwap, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Somartwap, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Somartwap's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Somartwap's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Always share parsnips with strangers, but never with monkeys.

3. Always help gulls.

4. Always help sick hamsters.

5. Do not prepare garlic while filled with anger.