Gebjabzen is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, confident grasshopper.

Gebjabzen created dark matter eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gebjabzen, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Gebjabzen, he will be mildly annoyed.

Gebjabzen's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Gebjabzen's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed limes to manatees while wearing ear rings.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Do not shave your head.

4. Never paint your feet gray.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.